Is His Behavior Normal?

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After many years of marriage my husband suddenly began acting in ways that were undeniably weird. He dumped 20 gallons of kerosene around our home and threatened to set it on fire for no apparent reason; jelly donuts were dripping down the silk wallpaper and our children were running for cover. Finally, his employer sent him home and told him not to return until he found the cause of his behavioral changes. At last, he agreed to go to the doctor

As I explained the events to the doctor, he looked him in the eye and said, "I want you to see a psychiatrist."

"I'm not going to see a psychiatrist; there is nothing wrong with me."

"Do you think this behavior is normal?"

"For me, it is!"

This is the extreme, but worth repeating. What is normal for your guy? What can you accept and still feel secure in the relationship and what is too troubling to allow you to have peace of mind?

I have learned that listening to that inner voice in our mind is the best guide to deciding what is normal. It is benevolent and never lies to us. If we hear it and don't believe it, we have invited our good friend denial in to keep us company. Normal is like a sliding bar; you decide where the green turns red.

It is difficult and maddening for women to understand why men can sit beside them, appearing to be enthralled with their words and swear you never said those things to them. You thought you were having a meaningful conversation.

They were miles away, changing the oil in the car, planning a fishing trip or deciding how they would handle something at work. Is this normal? It is; they were doing what we do... riveting their real attention on what is important for them. The difference is we don't even pretend to listen.

If your guy is getting up to leave at odd hours of the night, or spending his sleeping time online; there's a problem. No excuses, something is up. You know this or you would not question it. Don't waste precious time discussing it with your friend. Act on it and be prepared for it to be painful. This is usually not innocent.

If your guy has always enjoyed being intimate with you and suddenly goes to sleep early and seems disinterested; be aware. There is a medical or emotional issue at hand. Men are not complicated. Our Creator passed that trait out in the women's line. Don't run red lights in relationships. Stop, look and listen.

Many couples do not share financial issues. If you have always enjoyed shopping and have never had any reason to believe it was an issue, you may be shocked when suddenly it is. What does this mean? Keep it simple. Either there is a financial crunch you are unaware of, or an emotional change that has made your guy suddenly look critically at your habits. If it is the second, beware, a change is at hand.

We all know the cheating signs and have been studying them for years. If the signs are there, investigate. It is not the time to be an ostrich. You begin by asking; this usually is not productive. Many times women avoid this in fear that their position will suddenly be devalued; that they will be labeled as jealous, mistrustful and clinging. Pay attention here; if the signs are real, there is a real problem. If you are looking for signs because you are feeling insecure, catch a clue; when it is real, the signs are real. Follow by looking for the facts. Oddly enough, when cheating is involved, guys behave the same regardless of their personality traits!

If your guy has a bad temper and is prone to loud and embarrassing outbursts, pay attention. This typically escalates to verbal abuse and then violence. How do you know when either of those monsters has sauntered into your relationship? The best first clue is when you hear these words, "See what you made me do!"

When their bad behavior becomes your fault you are in the grips of an abuser. Look for an exit and make haste. I promise you this is not going to get better. You see the very best of a person early in the relationship. Don't delude yourself into imagining that you will change anyone's behavior. If you cannot accept them as they are, put your shoes on and start walking. Don't allow yourself to accept this behavior for any reason.

What behavior is normal for your guy? Humans have a pattern of behavior, we all do. You have become familiar with his normal. If you are questioning his behavior now, it is likely that little inner voice nudging you, telling you something has changed. Find the cause and decide whether it is something you can remain in the relationship with and feel secure or whether you are moving on.

And one more thing; it takes a miracle to truly change one's mind. This is painfully true about human nature. And it is the best reason not to ignore behavior that is unacceptable or consider it as normal. Because when you do, you have made up your mind about this person... and only a real miracle will change it.