5 Signs You're Having An Emotional Affair

Successful relationships are built on safety and trust -- and a betrayal of that trust can derail a partnership before you know it. Both in the media and in our personal lives, we tend to associate such betrayals with physical affairs; however, an emotional affair, even without sex, can be just as threatening to your relationship.

What is an emotional affair?
Simply put, an emotional affair is an intimate connection with someone other than your partner. More to the point, it's when that person becomes central in your life and, in some important ways, takes on the functions of your partner: you find that you spend a lot of time with them, confide in them and support each other emotionally, whether it's over the phone or in person. The emotional investment draws energy and commitment away from your relationship, resulting in you growing distant from and less interested in your partner. You may even begin to regard the other person more favorably than your partner, so you become increasingly annoyed or frustrated with your partner's perceived "limitations."

Even if the other person is someone you aren't physically attracted to and there's no risk of physical intimacy between you, it's still a threat to your relationship.

How do you know if you're having an emotional affair?
What are the warning signs of an emotional affair? If any of the following things are happening, you may be at risk:

1. You confide in this person. You tell them intimate things about your life that only your partner knows.

2. You discuss personal aspects of your relationship with your partner. Perhaps you tell them about the physical and/or emotional problems you're facing.

3. The thought of introducing your partner to this person makes you uncomfortable. You don't want to spend time with this person while your partner is around -- you want to keep this relationship to yourself.

4. You find yourself not being fully honest with your partner (or others) about how often you see this person or what you share with them.

5. You think about the other person a lot, and you're excited to see them and talk to them.

What can you do about it?
A healthy relationship means that your partner is your first priority. All healthy relationships are founded on trust and honesty, and your partner should be your "go-to" person for most things. If this isn't happening, then it's time to make a change and confront the issues directly.

When it comes to recovering from an affair, most couples need the help of a professional couples counselor. While at the moment of discovery it's hard to imagine, many couples not only recover, but actually improve their relationship as a result.

This article appeared on Huffingtonpost.com.

Complaining: 6 Ways It Destroys Your Relationship

Are you a chronic complainer? Do you find yourself doing more nagging than complimenting? Is your significant other less impressed with your recent attitude? Here are six ways complaining destroys your relationship, and why you should just relax a little.

This post appeared on You Queen.

I’ll admit, I complain… sometimes I complain a little more often than others. In fact, when I think about it, there are times when I’ve been a serious nag in my relationships and have forgotten how to relax.

If you’re like I used to be, then let me tell you a little secret: Complaining will destroy your relationship. That’s right: Your constant complaining will eventually drive him away from you. Relationships are hard enough without the added stress, so here are six reasons why you should stop complaining and start complimenting instead.

#1 It’s Annoying

The first and most obvious reason that you should stop complaining is that it’s annoying. That’s right: You’re not cute when you’re bitching about everything your guy does. Even if it’s not about your guy and you’re just a chronic complainer (work, your BFF, afternoon traffic, etc.), take my word for it, it’s not cute. You’re not going to impress anybody with your attitude.

#2 You Become A Negative Person

Aside from being annoying, constant complaining actually turns you into a negative person all around. Have you ever heard of the law of attraction? Whenever you complain too much, you actually just bring in more negativity in your life. In return, you complain more. It’s a vicious cycle, really.

But the point is nobody wants to be around a person who brings them down. That kind of negativity is too much for just about anybody to handle. My suggestion instead would be to stop complaining, appreciate what you have, and then watch and see how many good things come your way.

#3 Your Partner Begins To Feel Unworthy

Another problem with constant complaining is that it makes your partner feel unworthy. That’s right, instead of making your man feel good, you’re making him feel broken and depressed. Think about it, if you’re guy was constantly complaining about every little thing, no matter how cheerful you were and how much you tried to cheer him up, wouldn’t you feel a little let down? It would be a blow to the ego not being able to make your lover happy.

If you’re a constant complainer you are dragging your guy down, and he’s going to feel the emotional brunt of it. It’s hard on a person to always hear negativity.

#4 You Miss Out On Other (Good) Things

Constant complaining is the emotional equivalent of negative reinforcement. Instead of seeing all the good things in your life or your love, you’re just focusing on the bad things. First of all, that’s very harmful to your relationship. You can’t expect anyone to feel at ease being around someone who only sees the bad in every situation, or who constantly complains about them as a person or their habits. You’re missing out on all the good things.

If you’re constantly complaining about your guy, for example, then he’s going to think you don’t actually love him and you’re really unhappy with him. Even if he’s the right guy for you and he does make you happy, any woman who constantly complains will have such a negative effect on her partner that he’ll think you no longer see the good in him (or anything else), and that will definitely have a bad impact on your relationship.

#5 It’s Exhausting

Also, it’s exhausting being around somebody who constantly complains. Have you ever tried to please someone who just refuses to be satisfied? I can tell you, it isn’t easy.

Let me give you an example. As a barista, I had this one customer who always complained about his cappuccino. If I put it in a mug, he wanted a to go cup. If I put it in a to go cup, he wanted a mug. If I asked him and he told me, then no matter what temperature I made it, it was too hot or cold, or too foamy…get my picture? He was never happy with his drink. Eventually, I became a little ruder to him whenever he placed an order, until finally I just stopped smiling and being interactive with him at all.

Did I mention he exhausted me emotionally?

Yeah, if you’re around someone who never has anything nice and pleasant to say, or who constantly complains about everything, then you’re going to be emotionally exhausted.

Now, let’s say that you’re constantly complaining about your lover. Imagine how he feels if you never have anything nice to say about him? Emotionally exhausted is an understatement.

#6 Your Partner Stops Listening To You

Complaining ultimately destroys your relationship because your partner stops listening to you. That’s right, if all you’re going to do is complain, then he’s going to find a way to tune you out and ignore you.

Have you ever heard the story of the boy who cried wolf? Well, the same thing will happen in your relationship. If you’re always complaining about something, your partner will not take you seriously when there is something actually wrong and something that’s worth complaining about.

Complaining has a negative effect on everybody around you. If you’re in an office setting, constant complaining turns your work place into a place of discomfort and people will not want to be around you, which is bad enough in itself.

However, if you’re a constant complainer in your romantic relationship, then you’ll likely soon see that your guy can easily get to the point where he’s fed up and wants to be with someone a little less dramatic and a lot more laid back.

There are things you can do, of course. Instead of complaining to your guy, complain it all out to yourself in the car ride home from work, or, keep a journal that you can write out all these thoughts. Most importantly, change your habit from complaining about the bad things in your life and relationship, to saying positive things about your day. You’ll see the difference! So tell us, are you a chronic complainer?

10 Reasons Why Relationships Don't Last

WHAT HAPPENED?

We were so suited for each other, so in love, so happy together. We had so many dreams. Our first moments together were full of joy, happiness and the excitement of being close to someone who loved us and understood us. We were so sure that we would live “happily ever after.” We never thought we would arrive to this state miscommunication, misunderstanding, distancing, indifference and even competition, aggressiveness and verbal violence. What happened? How did this happen? What can we do to become as to be loving as we once were?

This post appeared on Your Tango.

SOME REASONS WHY RELATIONSHIPS DETERIORATE

1. Lack of education in effective communication. We have not been educated in how to communicate openly and honestly. 

2. Poor examples - Role models. We learn through imitation. We contain within us much more of our parents’ programming than we are aware of. We have recorded subconsciously the ways in which our parents behaved and communicated (or did not communicate) between themselves, with us and with others.

We now mechanically repeat this type of communication with our partners, children and friends. We tend to create the problems similar to those that existed in our childhood role models. If our parents were self-suppressing and non-communicative, we tend do the same. If they were competitive and aggressive we are likely to act in a similar way. In some cases, out of reaction, we may do the opposite, but this is also a programming.

If we are having communication problems with our loved one, it may be useful to work on transforming our childhood experiences. What we believe to be a problem with our spouse, may actually be simply a projection of a problem with one of our parents.

3. We do not take responsibility for our reality. Our beliefs create our reality. If we want a new reality, we will need to change our beliefs about ourselves, others and the world around us.

It will do no good whatsoever to blame the other for what we are feeling. He or she will just harden his stance and stay that way. No one likes to be criticized or blamed. Even if down inside we know that we are wrong, we do not like to admit it as long as we are being blamed.

4. We expect the other to fulfill our needs and expectations. We believe that the other, in some magical way, is going to supply us with what is lacking within us. No one can give us inner security or self-worth if we do not have it. If we want to create a harmonious relationship, we will first need to be in harmony with ourselves, which means developing inner security, strength, self-confidence and self-acceptance in all situations.

5. Fear of what the others think. We create considerable tension when we want to place limits on or seek to change our loved one’s behavior so we can be accepted by others. When we pressure a loved one to change, not because what he is doing is morally wrong, but because we need society’s approval, he or she feels we are putting others above him in our heart. We are placing our needs for acceptance or recognition above our love, acceptance and respect for our loved one and for how he or she needs and wants to function. Perhaps we should ask, “What is more important to me -this affirmation based on appearances, or maintaining a deep and loving relationship with my partner?”

This is an especially important question for us as parents to ask ourselves concerning our children. Do we want to force our children to fit into a social mold and risk losing our communication link with them, or do we prefer to risk losing social recognition for the sake of maintaining our communication? Remember: we are not talking about sacrificing ethical values, but rather subjective and often quite superficial and materially oriented social values.

6. Lack of energy. I have seen a number of relationships fall into disharmony and even separation because one or both of the partners let their energy level fall to a dangerously low level causing them to become a negative element in that relationship. When we do not care for our bodies, minds and spirits, they begin to function defectively, creating negativity for ourselves and those around us. We have less clarity, less patience, less understanding for others’ needs and problems.

A person without energy is naturally ego-centered because he needs to take. He is naturally defensive because he feels he needs to protect himself. He does not feel safe. When one person in a relationship is in such a state, problems are created for everyone. When both are in this state, the relationship cannot endure.

We have an obligation in any relationship, whether it be emotional, professional or social, to offer others a being with quality. No one likes an emotionally polluted environment full of complaints, criticism, negative thoughts, negative feelings, blaming, fear, hurt, anger or depression. We would all like to live in an environment flowering with positive emotions of love, joy, laughter, pleasantness and positive thoughts and feelings.

That requires energy. We can create and maintain a high level of energy by eating properly, and practicing exercises, breathing techniques, deep relaxation techniques and positive thinking on a daily basis. We also need to get enough sleep. Vitamins may also help. For details concerning these techniques check out our web site.

7. We carry the past around within us. We do not live in the present. Throughout the years, we have formed a mental image of who the other is and now we see our image and not the person.

This image is unfortunately permeated with many misunderstandings and wrong assumptions concerning the other, which we have created, through our inner subjective beliefs and programming.

Read full article here

Over 50? 3 Reasons Men Want You More Than Ever

Dating in your 50s is different than dating in your 20s and 30s.

In fact, many baby boomer men prefer dating women around their own age over single women in their 20s. My coaching clients are all searching for love with women in their age group.

This post originally appeared on Dating Advice.

There will always be a certain percentage of men in their 50s and 60s who aspire to date a woman who is much younger.

However, the majority of senior men seek a relationship with a woman who is in their age group, hence the popularity of senior dating sites tailored to fit their needs.

Here are the top three reasons boomer men think dating women over 50 rocks.

1. Women over 50 are more self-assured

By the time a woman enters her 50s, she knows who she is and who she is not. She likes herself.

The boomer woman signals her self-confidence in her body language and personal poise. Her confidence and self-assurance are part of what makes her so hot to men over 50.

She’ll wear an alluring dress and heels, but she is no slave to the latest fashion of wearing 4-inch heels when she needs to walk a mile from the parking lot to the door.

2. Women over 50 have real relationship expectations

She’s not just looking for a husband who is only good on paper. She’s not looking for a pipe dream with a fictional sugar daddy.

She has an appreciation for what a real guy is and how he behaves. When he gets the door for her, she always thanks him. The few rare times when they are in a rush, she opens the car door for herself – no fuss, no bother.

3. Women over 50 have a life

By the time she was in her 40s, her career was established. When she’s in her 50s, her career position and stature are firmly established, and she is likely mentoring younger colleagues.

She has hobbies, interests, taste and acumen that make her an enjoyable and delectable life mate. She can laugh uproariously along with him. Her own interests add on to his.

She’s not yet an unformed woman with no lasting interests of her own. Her mind, intellect and taste are part of what makes sharing life with her so rich and delightful.

---

As a single senior woman, you’ll always encounter guys who aren’t looking for a relationship and only want something physical.

But when you’re looking for a lasting relationship with a mature man, rest assured that there really are many of them out there.

Keep making the effort to meet them, and you’ll find one of the good guys and love at last.

Vital 6 Step Plan to Affair-Proof Your Relationship

The reason a man or a woman in a relationship or marriage cheats is because his or her needs are not getting met in the primary relationship.

This post originally appeared on Get Relationships Right

.

Most often, these needs are emotional rather than physical. Affairs are not a way to exit a relationship or a marriage by finding a new partner. Rather, affairs are entered into in order to meet the needs that are not being met while keeping the primary relationship intact.

Some years ago author Gary Neuman wrote a book called The Truth About Cheating, where he details the research he did about why men cheat. In his research Neuman discovered that a man will most likely cheat if he feels unappreciated and unloved by his wife.

This is absolutely true, and has been one of foci of my work with clients for years. Interestingly women cheat for a slightly different reason, when their needs for connection and feeling wanted are not met in the primary relationship.

How is it that important relationship needs can go unmet in a primary relationship? 

For now let’s just say that once partners’ needs go unmet long enough, the relationship is in danger of cheating.

What can you do to affair-proof your relationship or marriage? Follow this simple yet vital 6 step plan:

1. Appreciate

For women: Appreciate what you husband or partner is doing for you, your family, and around you, regardless of what else he may or may not be doing. Tell him that you appreciate him and what you appreciate about him often.

For men: Appreciate her beauty, her body, her mind. Make her feel wanted. Make it a practice to find the things you appreciate about her and then tell her about these things often.

2. He needs to be your hero. She needs to be your queen.

This might sound incredibly corny, but if a man feels like the hero in his relationship or marriage, he will never consider cheating. Similarly if the woman feels like the queen in a relationship or marriage she will be completely devoted to her partner.

I can help you untangle your relationship situation to create an affair-proof relationship. Schedule a 30-minute Get Clarity Coaching Session to get started.

3. Give Respect

If there are things that bother you about what your partner is doing or not doing, how he/she is treating you or not treating you, ask for change in a loving, respectful way. Do not treat your partner as if he or she owes you something.

4. Don’t criticize

Criticism makes people feel small and ashamed, which makes them want to seek others who will make them feel good about themselves. It’s ok not to like what your partner is doing and ask for something different. But you need to do this in a way that leaves your partner intact, rather than tearing him or her down.

5. Pay attention

If your partner or you are repeatedly asking for something in the relationship and not getting it, your relationship is in trouble. It may not seem like it because men and women in long-term relationships and marriages tend to be patient. They will ask for what they need for a long time before they get fed up and head towards seeking to meet their needs elsewhere. But make no mistake – even quiet requests that go unmet for too long put your relationship in danger.

I can help you untangle your relationship situation to create an affair-proof relationship. Schedule a 30-minute Get Clarity Coaching Session to get started.

6. If your relationship is having issues, get help sooner rather than later.

Couples tend to wait to get help, hoping whatever trouble they are having will get better over time. Unfortunately once a relationship gets into a difficult pattern it is very unlikely to right itself without outside help. While you two are trying to see if you can work it out on your own, the negative things you do in the relationship continue to erode it.

The 6 steps of this plan are simple, but they can be difficult to apply in the face of the many triggers and set-in systems in a long-term relationship or marriage. Be aware of what’s going on in your relationship and be intentional about what you want to create in order to affair-proof your relationship.

How to use "The Secret" to find a "Soulmate"

The 10 Elements of a Soulmate

As the American writer Richard Bach said, "A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are."

This post originally appeared on Huffingtonpost.

Ah, soulmates. The epitome of love and partnership. In our fast-paced chaotic world, which boasts all sorts of different people, we find ourselves skimming through more relationships than we'd like in order to find that one person who can truly open our locks.

Not just anyone can fulfill you the way your soulmate can. There's a world of a difference between your soulmate, your heart's other half and a life partner -- a person who lacks the elements to mold perfectly to you. Your soulmate makes you feel entirely whole, healed and intact, like no piece is missing from the puzzle. A life partner, on the other hand, can be a great supporter and long-time companion, but is limited in his or her capacity to enrich your spirit.

Most of us remain in life-partner relationships because we "settle," for a multitude of reasons. Firstly, we may have a real subconscious fear of being alone. And since we're biologically designed to fall in love, it's only natural that we pair up in this world. But we sometimes prolong what are meant to be temporary relationships and mistakenly settle into them for good. There are relationships which must last for a certain period of time to close out a karmic chapter of life, relationships in which we're meant to have children with our partner but not necessarily remain with them, and relationships which are just plain confusing because a melting pot of emotions doesn't allow us to see our predestined path.

I've seen it all in my practice as a psychologist, from couples who married their childhood loves to people in their retirement years who still struggle with commitment issues. Most of us fall somewhere between these two extremes, meaning that we experienced several relationships before finding the person we believe to be our perfect pairing. Whether you're currently married, in a relationship, or contemplating entering a relationship with a new love interest, it is crucial that you know what role this person will play in your life. After all, there's no avoiding the inevitable, often uncomfortable question we must ask ourselves: Is this the person I was bound by destiny to share my life with? Or did I settle too quickly into a relationship with someone who can never complete me?

No matter the category you fit into to, there are several indications which clearly outline a soulmate bond (or a lack of bond) between you and your partner. As you go through this list, think about your partner or potential partner and evaluate whether they meet the soulmate criteria.

The 10 Elements of a Soulmate:

1. It's something inside. Describing how a soulmate makes you feel is difficult. It's a tenacious, profound and lingering emotion which no words can encompass.

2. Flashbacks. If your partner is your soulmate, chances are he or she has been present in your past lives. Soulmates often choose to come back together during the same lifetime and scope each other out in the big world. You might suddenly and briefly experience flashbacks of your soulmate. You might even feel an odd sense of déjà vu, as if the moment in time has already taken place, perhaps a long time ago, perhaps in a different setting.

3. You just get each other. Ever met two people who finsh each other's sentences? Some people call that spending too much time together, but I call it a soulmate connection. You might experience this with your best friend or your mother, but it is the telltale sign of a soulmate when you experience it with your partner.

4. You fall in love with his (or her) flaws. No relationship is perfect, and even soulmate relationships will experience ups and downs. Still, that bond will be much harder to break. Soulmates have an easier time of accepting, even learning to love, each other's imperfections. Your relationship is more likely to be a soulmate match if you both love each other exactly as you each are, accepting both the great and awful tendencies we all have.

5. It's intense. A soulmate relationship may be more intense than normal relationships, in both good and sometimes bad ways. The most important thing is that, even during negative episodes, you're focused on resolving the problem and can see beyond the bad moment.

6. You two against the world. Soulmates often see their relationship as "us against the world." They feel so linked together that they're ready and willing to take on any feat of life, so long as they have their soulmate by their side. Soulmate relationships are founded on compromise and unity above all else.

7. You're mentally inseparable. Soulmates often have a mental connection similar to twins. They might pick up the phone to call each other at the exact same time. Though life may keep you apart at times, your minds will always be in tune if you are soulmates.

8. You feel secure and protected. Regardless of the gender of your partner, he or she should always make you feel secure and protected. This means that if you're a man, yes, your woman should make you feel protected, too! Your soulmate will make you feel like you have a guardian angel by your side. A person who plays on your insecurities, whether consciously or subconsciously, is not your soulmate.

9. You can't imagine your life without him (or her). A soulmate is not someone you can walk away from that easily. It is someone you can't imagine being without, a person you believe is worth sticking with and fighting for.

10. You look each other in the eye. Soulmates have a tendency to look into each other's eyes when speaking more often than ordinary couples. It comes naturally from the deep-seated connection between them. Looking a person in the eye when speaking denotes a high level of comfort and confidence.

Whether you're designed by the universe to be soulmates or two loving people who have settled for each other's strengths and weaknesses, the decision is yours. The beauty of free will is that you can remain in or change any relationship as you see fit. To be with your soulmate is one of the precious treasures of life. And if you feel you've found your heart's other half, I wish you endless days of joy and laughter, and countless nights of deep embrace, unraveling the mysteries of the universe one by one.

To love,

Dr. Carmen Harra

How to get your ex girlfriend back

Ways to Get Your Girlfriend Back - Letting Her Go to Get Her Back again

Photo: mylifebook

Source: www.articlecity.com

It does not necessarily mean that you are giving up on the romantic relationship, nor does it signify that you no lengthier care about your girlfriend. Somewhat, letting her go signifies giving her the time and space away from you that permits her to miss you and know what she had. It's human nature to want elements only when we don't have them any more. When you efficiently offer with your private emotions, accept the breakup, and let her go, you shift the energy dynamic back in your favor. 

When you allow your girlfriend go just after a breakup, you deliver all the proper messages. It shows that you are strong, independent, and assured which are all attractive traits. It reveals your girlfriend that though you really want her in your existence, you don't need to have her in your everyday life to be pleased. It says to her, you may possibly not want to be aspect of my existence appropriate now, but if you're not then you're going to be lacking out on something wonderful because I refuse to sit about begging, pleading, apologizing, and being depressed. Lifestyle is too brief for all that. I'm going to be ok no make a difference what. 

Do you see why this is so strong? Until eventually you're gone, she can't miss you. Even if you're not seeing her, just sending texts or calling her nevertheless suggests you're around and she can't miss you. Soon after a breakup, you really should do your greatest to stay away from all speak to for at minimum a few of weeks. If she calls missing you, don't just drop every thing and rush more than to see her. Otherwise you give all the energy back to her and chances are the subsequent day she'll sense like she made a mistake. 

When she feels you're shifting on with your existence and she may lose you for very good, then she'll begin earning the energy to get you back instead. If she doesn't, then odds are she actually is really above you and has made a decision you're not the correct man for her. If this is the case, then you must accept it, but by letting her go in the very first put, you have presently ready all by yourself for the worst. 

Letting her go is really tricky. It's agonizing and you will sense like you're tearing your personal heart out. But some unlucky souls entirely fall short and get dumped. What do they do now to get them to appear back again? 

What to say to a woman to get her back is often an unanswered query. But we will go over some issues you can say to get her to arrive operating back again. Points can be restored to their former state with some persistence and good preparation and the ideal points to say. Make her think exceptional and allow her in on how substantially you treatment for her. Say the appropriate items, and she will have no selection but to come back again. 

Here are some methods to go about it. 

one. Initial items initial, do not stalk her! Most of the time guys can get desperate and continue to keep calling her, often even behaving fairly rudely.

Controlling Behavior in Relationships

Is His Behavior Normal?

Photo: wikihow

Source: http://ezinearticles.com/

After many years of marriage my husband suddenly began acting in ways that were undeniably weird. He dumped 20 gallons of kerosene around our home and threatened to set it on fire for no apparent reason; jelly donuts were dripping down the silk wallpaper and our children were running for cover. Finally, his employer sent him home and told him not to return until he found the cause of his behavioral changes. At last, he agreed to go to the doctor

As I explained the events to the doctor, he looked him in the eye and said, "I want you to see a psychiatrist."

"I'm not going to see a psychiatrist; there is nothing wrong with me."

"Do you think this behavior is normal?"

"For me, it is!"

This is the extreme, but worth repeating. What is normal for your guy? What can you accept and still feel secure in the relationship and what is too troubling to allow you to have peace of mind?

I have learned that listening to that inner voice in our mind is the best guide to deciding what is normal. It is benevolent and never lies to us. If we hear it and don't believe it, we have invited our good friend denial in to keep us company. Normal is like a sliding bar; you decide where the green turns red.

It is difficult and maddening for women to understand why men can sit beside them, appearing to be enthralled with their words and swear you never said those things to them. You thought you were having a meaningful conversation.

They were miles away, changing the oil in the car, planning a fishing trip or deciding how they would handle something at work. Is this normal? It is; they were doing what we do... riveting their real attention on what is important for them. The difference is we don't even pretend to listen.

If your guy is getting up to leave at odd hours of the night, or spending his sleeping time online; there's a problem. No excuses, something is up. You know this or you would not question it. Don't waste precious time discussing it with your friend. Act on it and be prepared for it to be painful. This is usually not innocent.

If your guy has always enjoyed being intimate with you and suddenly goes to sleep early and seems disinterested; be aware. There is a medical or emotional issue at hand. Men are not complicated. Our Creator passed that trait out in the women's line. Don't run red lights in relationships. Stop, look and listen.

Many couples do not share financial issues. If you have always enjoyed shopping and have never had any reason to believe it was an issue, you may be shocked when suddenly it is. What does this mean? Keep it simple. Either there is a financial crunch you are unaware of, or an emotional change that has made your guy suddenly look critically at your habits. If it is the second, beware, a change is at hand.

We all know the cheating signs and have been studying them for years. If the signs are there, investigate. It is not the time to be an ostrich. You begin by asking; this usually is not productive. Many times women avoid this in fear that their position will suddenly be devalued; that they will be labeled as jealous, mistrustful and clinging. Pay attention here; if the signs are real, there is a real problem. If you are looking for signs because you are feeling insecure, catch a clue; when it is real, the signs are real. Follow by looking for the facts. Oddly enough, when cheating is involved, guys behave the same regardless of their personality traits!

If your guy has a bad temper and is prone to loud and embarrassing outbursts, pay attention. This typically escalates to verbal abuse and then violence. How do you know when either of those monsters has sauntered into your relationship? The best first clue is when you hear these words, "See what you made me do!"

When their bad behavior becomes your fault you are in the grips of an abuser. Look for an exit and make haste. I promise you this is not going to get better. You see the very best of a person early in the relationship. Don't delude yourself into imagining that you will change anyone's behavior. If you cannot accept them as they are, put your shoes on and start walking. Don't allow yourself to accept this behavior for any reason.

What behavior is normal for your guy? Humans have a pattern of behavior, we all do. You have become familiar with his normal. If you are questioning his behavior now, it is likely that little inner voice nudging you, telling you something has changed. Find the cause and decide whether it is something you can remain in the relationship with and feel secure or whether you are moving on.

And one more thing; it takes a miracle to truly change one's mind. This is painfully true about human nature. And it is the best reason not to ignore behavior that is unacceptable or consider it as normal. Because when you do, you have made up your mind about this person... and only a real miracle will change it.

Trusting Your Heart Whether To Stay Or Go

Photo: jameswhatmensecretlywant

Source: http://ezinearticles.com/

It's developed first in our heart
That reason to continue or part
The heart causes us to contemplate
Whether we continue or not to relate.

We may consider ending a relationship based on our thinking, but our hearts end up being the final Adjudicator. Likewise, it's the heart that will commit us to remain, even when things are still quite impossible.

TRUST YOUR HEART

In our hearts is nurtured the hope for life.

But the heart involves us in the tricky business of discerning hope for life from the faculty of falsity that produces death. Nobody wants to invest in anything that will take them the wrong way in life. Yet it isn't as easy as we think to differentiate between hope for life and faculties of falsity that produce death.

So often many forms of spiritual death come by the relationships we make or have made.

We come to regret our decisions to commit to a person, a venture, or some discretionary facet of life that we see now the waste that it is. Perhaps we trusted our heart, yet maybe also we decided rashly. Everyone regrets some decisions; some commitments that were made without venturing into the plausible potential.

It is never too late to rescind a decision; to reconsider, on the basis of a godly-discerned wisdom, what God would have us do. This is no cop-out, nor is it the opportunity to enter into a sin to cover over a sin. It's an opportunity to make right the wrongs of yesterday or yesteryear.

Trusting our heart is about the wisdom of discernment; knowing what God would have us do; what the will of God would be. It is no foregone conclusion. It is difficult, even sometimes impossible, to accurately discern. But our hearts may indeed confirm what we are to do; after a great deal of thought.

***

Thinking, and a great deal of it, comes first.

But there is the frequent and seamless interaction of the mind as it communicates in the language of the heart, and vice versa.

The heart influences the mind, with trepidation initially, and then finally, with the purpose, reason, and drive to make the decision.

The mind is always the one that decides. The heart is its jury. The head is the judge carrying out the jury's verdict. The mind executes what the heart has been won to.

Trust your heart, most especially as it has journeyed long and hard with the mind.

What Men Find Beautiful In A Woman

iPhone owners 'more likely to sext'

iPhone owners 'more likely to sext'

When Do You Get On Your Partner’s Nerves?

Source: http://www.metrorelationship.com

Do you know when you get on your partner’s nerves? There is a general underlying theme to the complaints couples usually share and that is that their partner is being egocentric. Egocentrism gets in the way of witnessing our partner’s beauty, gifts and contributions. It keeps us trapped in our mind’s machinations and delusions keeping us from Being our Authentic Self. Egocentrism prevents us from connecting with our partner and from having the relationship we want.

Most complaints can be boiled down to partners being egocentric. And, yes, this applies to those with codependent tendencies as well… Partners get stuck on their perspective, expectations, position, blaming the other or looking for the other’s shortcomings, and how their needs are not met. We can’t see our partner in all their glory – their brilliance, intentions, and love. We can’t be mindful and loving. Egocentric interactions cause pain. Our behavior is reactive and calculated. We are out to get our needs met no matter what – most of the times at our partner’s and the relationship’s expense… The result is that we actually don’t really get our needs met…

Characteristics of egocentric behavior include being: inconsiderate, self-righteous, controlling, rigid, manipulative, flaky, unaccountable, aggressive, passive-aggressive, overbearing, invisible, withdrawn or non-involved. It is impossible to create a wonderful relationship when we use these tactics. These hurt our partner and invite them to protect themselves, even retaliate, creating reciprocal negative and dissatisfying interactions. The stuckness in our relationship is made up of this yucky pattern.

Egocentrism comes from fear. We are egocentric as a means to make sure we are OK. Our ego is out to protect us unfortunately to our detriment as it forges “separateness” promoting additional fear and pain. What we desired in the first place, being connected, accepted and loved, is but impossible to get when we operate from this place. We are actually putting our hand up and saying ‘stop’.

Your stretch is to recognize when you are operating from an ego, fear-based place and move yourself to a heart centered, love-based place; mind your yucky thinking, engage your Authentic Self. When you recognize that you are being egocentric, you can bet your partner has not been experiencing you as loving. You have most likely been getting on their nerves and hurting them.

Once you are able to recognize that you’ve been egocentric, you can share your revelation with your partner. Share your fear script, your doubts, and your pain. Remember to speak about your vulnerability and not about how your partner contributed to the dissatisfying interaction. No need to overload, an acknowledgement of your wrong approach and reason behind it is sufficient.

Communicating on your process and sharing your vulnerability is validating to your partner allowing them to make sense of things, which in turn takes the sting away. This is an awesome repair skill to make nice after you’ve been hurtful. This level of self-ownership is empowering and healing, and builds intimacy and connection. Go for it, stop getting on your partner’s nerves!

Complete the MetroRelationship (sm) Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want.  

Happy Repairing!

~ Your MetroRelationship (sm) Assignment

This week, think about one of your reactions, positions, or behavior that you can recognize as egocentric, fear driven.

Think about how this could have been experienced by your partner… And, how they might have felt.

Create a soft, playful, fun, cozy, mindful, safe moment during which you can share your insight with your partner.

Add this to your took kit…

~ Share Your Thoughts & Successes!

Take a moment now to share below any thoughts, comments, take away, tips, and successes! PLEASE post a comment now – we grow in community!

Thanks for connecting with the MetroRelationship (sm) Family!

 Emma K. Viglucci is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couples ™ programs and products that assist couples succeed at their relationship and life. To get your downloadable relationship enrichment insights and receive her weekly successful couples articles, nurturing nuggets (sm) and other resources visit: www.metrorelationship.com.